The Ultimate Promotion: Why Great Leaders Fail at Home

Can you imagine running a multi-million dollar company with no CEO, no strategy, and no operating system? Of course not. Yet that's exactly how most of us run our most important enterprise - our family.

This week, I witnessed something that's been living rent-free in my head: A brilliant CEO I work with joined one of our coaching calls deflated. Not because of market conditions or quarterly results, but because of a text message from her husband about forgotten lunch sandwiches.

This moment crystallized a pattern I've observed while working with hundreds of leaders over the past decade: The very qualities that make us exceptional leaders at work often create unintentional harm at home.

My own wake-up call came years ago when I found my partner's bags packed at our front door. I had been so focused on building my company to prove I could be more successful than my father, while also being a better partner, that I became exactly what I said I'd never be. The writing was on the wall, but I was too busy checking emails during date nights to see it.

Through working with leaders across industries, I've identified five core challenges that consistently sabotage even the most capable executives at home:

1. No Shared Vision In business, we obsess over vision. We craft detailed strategies, communicate them clearly, and align our teams around common goals. Yet at home, most leaders couldn't tell you what "winning" means for their family. Without this north star, each family member pulls in different directions, creating friction and disconnect.

2. Lack of Accountability Think about the systems we have at work - weekly check-ins, quarterly reviews, clear metrics, and regular feedback loops. Now compare that to home, where most of us wait until something breaks before addressing it. As I often tell my clients: "Never work on the plumbing when it's raining."

3. Time Scarcity In business, when we need more capacity, we hire people. We leverage resources to expand our capabilities. At home, we're all working with the same 1,440 minutes each day. Most leaders try to squeeze more productivity out of limited time instead of creating systems to buy back their time and expand their capacity.

4. Poor Conflict Repair Watch a skilled executive navigate a challenging negotiation or manage team conflict - it's often masterful. Yet these same leaders frequently struggle with basic disagreements at home. Many avoid conflict entirely, not realizing that strong relationships are built through conflict, not by avoiding it.

5. Waiting for Partners to Change This is perhaps the most insidious challenge. We drive organizational change at work but play victim to our family dynamics at home. We keep score of our partner's shortcomings while overlooking our own contribution to the patterns we're stuck in.

The painful irony? The more successful we become at work, the more we lean into these patterns at home. We keep applying business solutions to family challenges, wondering why nothing changes.

Here's what I've learned the hard way: Your family isn't a company to be managed - it's a living system that needs leadership. Not the kind that drives KPIs, but the kind that creates conditions for everyone to thrive.

This requires a fundamental shift in how we approach family leadership. It means working on three critical areas:

1. Family Strategy - Creating clear vision and alignment around what winning means for your family
2. Systems of Living - Building routines and practices that support your family's goals
3. Relationship Mastery - Learning to use conflict as a tool for deepening connection

But perhaps most importantly, we need to recognize that work isn't the problem. Just as alcohol isn't the core issue for an alcoholic but rather their solution to deeper pain, our relationship with work often masks deeper personal challenges.

For me, my obsession with work was a solution to my deep-seated belief that my net worth determined my self-worth. It wasn't until I addressed this core wound that I could begin leading effectively at home.

The truth is, every great company has someone working on the business, not just in it. Every great family deserves the same. The question is: Will it be you?

Becoming a Chief Family Officer isn't about perfect execution or flawless systems. It's about creating an environment where your family can thrive, where relationships deepen through challenge rather than fracture, and where your success at work becomes a platform for family flourishing rather than a source of disconnect.

After all, you can replace a CEO, but you can't replace a father, mother, or spouse. It's time to lead where it matters most.

If this resonates with you, I encourage you to reflect: Which of these challenges hits closest to home? What would change if you brought the same intentionality to family leadership that you bring to your business - but with a completely different operating model?

Your family doesn't need another CEO. They need a Chief Family Officer. The promotion is available. The question is: Will you accept it?